


Seventeen Seconds

by Avvu



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 80's Music, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Christmas, Drunken Kissing, M/M, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Pining, Romance, Sirius is here to break all the gender roles, Tuesdays, quite a bit of that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:22:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24740737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avvu/pseuds/Avvu
Summary: Later when they are walking back home, Remus is a bit drunk from beer and Sirius is a bit drunk from dancing. Sirius has black smudged around his eyes and he looks messy. Remus feels messy.“Seriously,” Sirius says, for the tenth or hundredth time already. “James and Lily are dating.”
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 81





	Seventeen Seconds

**Author's Note:**

> hi. i don't have much to say, only that this things here is probably my favourite wolfstar fic i've written and i've written a lot of them back in the day. i wanted to share this now to remind myself and y'all that hey, you're valid. your gender is valid. the way you express your gender is _valid_. take care x

The sun is low and shines through the window. The bedroom is coloured with late afternoon gold and soft. Remus has turned his back to the word, and the typewriter is clicking beneath his fingers. Click. Click.

When Sirius comes in from the front door, the whole entry rumbles. Sirius slams the door behind him, sighs and makes noise. Remus can’t reach the door, and he doesn’t have time to stand up before Sirius is already leaning on the doorway. His hair is longer than ever before, he’s skinnier than ever before, he has more black on his eyes than ever before.

“James and Lily have started dating.”

Remus stops clicking.

“Are you sure?”

Sirius sniffs, comes inside and falls onto the unmade bed. “So sure. I saw them snogging. It was an accident, I don’t want to see  _ that _ .”

Remus kicks the chair farther away from the desk, he can’t concentrate on anything right now. “But Lily wasn’t supposed to even like James.”

“I thought so, too,” Sirius says. “I mean, of course, I knew they secretly liked each other, but I never thought it would be decided this quickly that it’s no longer a secret. I really, really thought I could keep my two favourite things separated for at least a year.”

Remus doesn’t say anything to that, he knows he’s Sirius’s third favourite thing even if he doesn’t remember to tell Remus that and even if he doesn’t remember to show it.

“That’s life,” Remus says and if he was closer to Sirius he would pat him on the knee or something like that, but he’s rather far away from the bed, and if he tried to reach for Sirius he could fall off the chair.

Sirius sighs. “Well,” he says and raises to sit. “You’ll see me more often then, I guess.”

“They haven’t abandoned you,” Remus assures or tries to.

“Yes, they have. But that’s alright, I’ve got you. And Pete,” Sirius adds as if he only now remembers Peter exists. “But Peter has a girlfriend. I believed Lily would also have a girlfriend, what is this dating James shit anyway?”

“You didn’t believe that,” Remus says.

“No, I didn’t,” Sirius sighs. “But it’s  _ James _ . Come on.”

Remus would like to say that hey Sirius, don’t you remember you were once in love with James, too, and how long that took, right,  _ years _ . If Lily would’ve liked James back then. Sirius wouldn’t have been friends with her at all.

“I want to go dancing,” Sirius tells him then, and leans forward towards Remus but he can’t really reach him. “Rem,” he says, low and threatening, “let’s go dancing.”

“I need to write this,” Remus says, pointing at the typewriter.

“Ugh,” Sirius says, jumps off the bed and comes next to Remus, leans over him and takes the paper out of the typewriter. “You can write your poems later. We will go dancing now, Rem,  _ now _ .”

Remus has no options.

When you go dancing with Sirius, it means you really go dancing. Sirius doesn’t listen to that kind of music, but in the clubs, he can listen to anything and everything, and he can dance to anything and everything. Remus can’t dance at all. He drinks beer and tries to stand a bit away from the dance floor. Sirius dances and Remus lets him. It’s alright, Remus thinks, he doesn’t have to dance, and besides, he should be home, and he should write real job applications, maybe opinion pieces to the papers, something. But there he is, in a night club, wearing a stupid shirt Sirius has picked up for him. His eyes get muggy from the blinking lights. He can smell other people’s deodorant and aftershave, he tries to avoid a drunk woman who tries to grab him every time she walks past him. Remus buys another beer and Sirius dances and dances and dances until he gets tired. Then he finds Remus, and tugs Remus closer and kisses him on the stairs that lead to the women’s loo.

Later when they are walking back home, Remus is a bit drunk from beer and Sirius is a bit drunk from dancing. Sirius has black smudged around his eyes and he looks messy. Remus feels messy.

“Seriously,” Sirius says, for the tenth or hundredth time already. “James and Lily are dating.”

Remus doesn’t know what to say so he says nothing. It’s late autumn and the streets are wet.

*

James has a nice rug on the living room floor. Remus has taken more naps on it than on any other rug ever. There are coffee stains on it. They are all sitting in the living room, and the entire flat is buzzing with something.

James and Lily. Peter and this time it’s Jolene. Sirius. Remus. Sirius and Remus.

James looks mortified when he realises it. Sirius looks excited. Remus doesn’t know what to say.

“Right then,” Lily says, she sounds amused and Remus notices it. “Should I make tea? Or do you want whisky instead?”

“Whisky, for both of us,” says Peter. He’s looking around confused. Jolene is almost as tall as James, she has blonde hair and freckles and she has same blue eyeshadow than Sirius.

“Whisky,” says James.

“Whisky,” says Sirius.

“Tea,” says Remus. Lily smiles and asks Remus to join her in the kitchen.

The kettle boils and the whisky bottle is opened, and there are five glasses and a mug on the table. Lily leans on the sink, crosses her arms and looks at Remus.

“This is weird,” she says finally. Lily has been their Lily for  _ years _ but she has never been James’s Lily. Sirius isn’t the only one who finds it hard to understand. Remus can’t understand it either.

“It is,” Remus says. “Are you sure you know who James is?”

Lily snorts, nods and then shakes her head. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“Sirius has no idea what you’re doing.”

“I borrowed my shoes to Sirius but he still hasn’t forgiven me,” Lily sigh with a smile. “I thought he was over James already.”

“He is,” Remus says too quickly, too firmly, too, too, too. Lily smiles wider, longer, warmly, in a way that tells Remus they don’t have to talk about it.

“You look good,” Lily says instead. “New shirt, I like it.”

“It’s an old one,” Remus says. “And Sirius picked it up for me. Of course, you like it.”

“He has good taste.”

“On men, too?”

Lily grins. “Especially on men.”

Remus wonders if he could mix up tea and whisky.

*

Remus gets a job. It’s a combination of antique furniture and antiquarian bookshop. Peter laughs when he hears: “That’s the only place Remus would work anyway.” James pats Remus on the shoulder and says  _ There you go. _

Remus doesn’t have many hours of work per week, but those he has are slow, long and slow, and he sits behind the counter and cleans an old, broken clock when the door opens and a bell above it says  _ clang _ . It’s a Tuesday and he has been working there for two weeks, and it’s the first time Sirius comes to visit him.

“Good afternoon,” Sirius says, his voice has the Queen’s posh accent and his steps have Diana’s ease.

“That’s mine,” Remus says. Sirius glances down and jerks the hem of the shirt.

“It looks better on me,” he says and that’s that. Sirius comes at the counter and leans almost all the way over. He peeks over to Remus’s side. “What are you doing? Looks cool and boring at the same time. Like you.”

Remus clears his throat. “Right,” he says and turns the clock over so that the numbers and the hands are up. It doesn’t move, and Remus thinks that the other clocks are parroting it.

Sirius narrows his eyes. He looks  _ natural _ , he has no makeup on, and even as he’s wearing Lily’s boots, he looks just normal. He looks like he could come around more often. Remus likes it when Sirius looks like that. Remus also likes Sirius when he has put on one of his cousins' old miniskirt and has black all around his eyes.

“What are you doing today?” Sirius asks, he then takes out a pack of cigarettes and offers Remus one. Remus says no, he should quit smoking anyway. Sirius shrugs and lights up a cigarette. Remus isn’t sure if that’s wise since there is so much old, dry paper inside the ancient books.

“I guess I’ll be doing something with you,” Remus says. Sirius grins.

“You got me,” he says and adds: “James has abandoned me.”

Remus sighs. He should clean up clocks. “No, he hasn’t. We’ve talked about this. He’s just in love.”

“I was at James’s,” Sirius says ignoring Remus and Remus’s words altogether. “And he was listening to, you can never guess,  _ Lily of the Valley _ was playing over and over, he’s so gross. I asked him if he wanted to go to a pub to watch the game from a bigger screen, Chelsea is playing tonight, but Jim said he  _ can’t _ because he’s gonna see Lily, and then he went all gross again.”

Remus says nothing. Sirius takes a breath.

“And Lils. I was at her place too. She was stupid and gross too, and she didn’t even loan mascara because she needs it more. She did loan boots, so there’s that.”

“Why would you need mascara?” Remus asks. Sirius rolls his eyes.

“It doesn’t matter,” he says, waves his hand. He has red nail polish on his nails, the shade is crashing with the orange shirt. “But  _ it  _ matters that Lily has gone quite mad. James has always been mad.”

“And Pete?” Remus asks.

“Ah, Pete,” Sirius sighs and almost lays on the counter. “Jolene broke up with him. I’m not surprised, it was Peter’s fault. But he has Roxanne now. And Peter’s so far away, who wants to go to Brixton? He has his own life there, have you noticed it?”

Remus scoffs softly. “You have your own life too. And besides, Pete’s not that far.”

“I hate the tube,” Sirius says. “It stinks in there and the floors are sticky. People come too close, and there is always someone vomiting.”

“It’s like the night clubs,” Remus says.

“True. But they don’t play The Human League there.”

Remus snorts. “True.”

“But,” Sirius says and the vowel is way too long. “Come to my place tonight. We’ll listen to records and eat something greasy. You know, like we did when we were eighteen. I’ll buy wine. Or I think I have wine. Will you come?”

Remus doesn’t think for long. “Of course.”

Sirius smiles. “Good.”

The door opens and the bell says  _ clang _ again. Sirius slides down from the counter, straightens up, and Remus watches as the real customer, an old man with grey hair and a hat, looks Sirius way too long. Sirius looks back, then glances at Remus.

“Well,” Sirius says, posh and all that, “have a nice day.” Sirius nods at Remus, and Remus nods back. Sirius nods at the old man, then turns around and blows kisses at Remus.

Remus’ heart beats weirdly for a moment. The man looks horrified, but that’s alright.

*

Peter comes to visit Remus one day he actually has time for that. He has brought a boombox with him, he has apparently gotten it as a bonus from work.

“Do you want this?” Peter asks, puts the boombox on the floor. “You listen to music more than I do.”

“I don’t own any tapes,” Remus says. “And besides, Sirius will disown me if I had  _ that _ laying around.”

Peter shrugs,  _ Maybe Roxanne would like it _ , and lights up a cigarette. For a moment they stand there surrounded by cigarette smoke.

“Why do you even live here?” Peter asks, looks around disapprovingly. Peter has always been like that, he likes comfort. When they were little, Peter never wanted to go camping because there are bugs and if it rains you get wet. Peter doesn’t have so much as dust in his flat. Remus has water damage in the bathroom.

“Why won’t you just move in with Sirius?”

“I like it here,” Remus says.

“ _ No one _ likes it here.”

“Why would I want to live with Sirius anyway?” Remus asks and it’s a stupid question, and they both know it.

Peter shrugs again. “Just because.”

“Why do you live in Brixton?”

“You’ve spent too much time with Sirius,” Peter says, grinning. “I like it there. Anything’s better than Chelsea.”

“You do still support Chelsea, right?” Remus asks. “James will disown you if you don’t.”

“Maybe,” Peter says, “but Arsenal has been better this season.”

Later, Remus lays in his bed and stares the ceiling and thinks about Peter’s life in Brixton.

*

Sirius and Lily have decided they need to celebrate something. No one knows what they are celebrating but Lily has eyeshadow on, and Sirius has eyeshadow on, and James is wearing a sparkly top. Remus isn’t going to wear a sparkly top even if Sirius wants him to. He puts on a black button-up and ignores Sirius’s pout.

“Where’s Pete?” Sirius whines, as he does every time someone is missing.

“He’s probably listening to cassettes with Roxanne,” Remus says. Sirius grins but doesn’t say anything about it. Lily is curling her hair, and every time James walks past her, she touches his arm. Remus has counted seventeen touches, and he wonders how James is still thinking clearly. He looks like he’s going to explode soon.

Remus doesn’t catch Sirius’s enthusiasm, nor does he catch Lily’s vibrating eagerness. It’s a Tuesday night, early winter, drizzling rain, and the wind blows underneath the skin. Remus regrets the coat he has put on, and even Lily’s arms are on goosebumps after a little while.

On Chelsea Bridge, Sirius leans over the edge and hangs there, half of his body over the Thames. Remus looks him and ponders if a twenty-one years old bloke could accidentally snap in half if he kept on leaning.

King’s Road is busier than you’d expect on a Tuesday, in a drizzle, in midwinter. Lily and James walk hand in hand, and Remus realises for the first time why Sirius can’t make peace with it. It looks strange, wrong for both of them. They’re only halfway there when Sirius stumbles upon his own feet, he’s not even drunk yet, and when Remus helps him to stand up, Sirius puts his arms around Remus, and shoves his cold hands under the hem of Remus’s coat. Remus says nothing, Sirius says nothing, Sirius’s palms are flat against Remus’s back, there are way too many people on the street, and maybe Remus is a bit drunk.

It’s that kind of night when nothing interesting happens, and after it all, Sirius follows Remus home although he has his own home. They are a bit drunk and back home a bit early. But Lily and James have left even earlier, they have been flirting and touching and ignoring Sirius and Remus, and that has been a bit awkward.

Sirius leans on the doorway as Remus puts on a more comfortable shirt. Remus isn’t sure if he should make coffee or tea or if he still had that bottle of sherry in the cupboard over the fridge but he doesn’t know what to asks Sirius. He just stands there and looks at Remus.

“We should stop drinking,” Sirius says. He has more buttons open than would be proper. Remus is suddenly hot all over, and he opens up a window. There are dark marks on the windowsill where cigarette ash has fallen and black and grey have gotten stuck on the wood.

“Maybe,” Remus says and both of them know it wouldn’t be a success even if they tried. “Peter tried to give me a boombox,” Remus says and doesn’t know why exactly. “Peter also said I should move in with you.”

“You should,” Sirius says and smiles and Remus thinks about The Cure, and that there is something amiss.

“Why?” Remus asks. Sirius snorts.

“Because this place is a dump. There is enough room for both of us in my place. You could bring your typewriter and the rest of your books there. And all of your records, then we’d have every Led Zeppelin record in the same place. Think about that.” Sirius looks like he means it, and there isn’t enough room in Remus’s lungs.

“Maybe,” he says.

“Lily’s gonna move in with James,” Sirius says and doesn’t look Remus but the bed or something else, Remus can’t say since he is a bit drunk.

“Already?” Remus asks. He’s still hot. Maybe he could take off his trousers now when Sirius doesn’t look at him.

“Yeah,” Sirius says, “they’re in a hurry.”

“To get where?”

Sirius shrugs. “How should I know?”

Remus takes off his trousers. He’s going to bed, and Sirius will go away when he gets the hint.

“But I guess they’re like that,” Sirius says and looks at Remus now, of course when Remus is standing there in his pants. “They’re probably gonna get married before we’re twenty-five.”

Remus says nothing. Sirius sighs.

“Can I stay over?” Sirius asks, and suddenly he sounds like he’s a bit drunk and probably a bit tired.

“I guess,” Remus says regardless that it shouldn’t be like that. Sirius should go home, and Remus should go to bed.

“Ta,” Sirius says and smiles in a way that doesn’t leave much for Remus to say other than: “There is a pillow for you in the closet.”

Remus’s bed is a bit small for two people but there are no other options, only the bed or the rug and Remus’s rugs are not as good for napping as James’ rugs.

In the middle of brushing his teeth, Remus almost forgets what he’s doing because there are too many thoughts in his head, and everything else seems more important than brushing his teeth. He might be a bit drunker than a bit, he feels funny and confused, and he can hear Sirius humming some song. Remus can’t remember the lyrics and he can’t remember the name of the song. He’s tried and drunk, and he doesn’t know why he’s that drunk on a Tuesday night.

When Remus has brushed his teeth and gets out of the bathroom, Sirius slips into the bathroom wearing only his pants, and Remus has to grip the door frame to keep his balance and to keep breathing. And when Sirius comes out of the bathroom after he has washed his face and put his hair up, Remus can’t understand how someone can be that beautiful.

“What?” Sirius asks, maybe he’s also a bit drunk.

“Nothing,” Remus says and his voice sounds weird in his ears. He clears his throat and tries again: “Nothing.”

Sirius looks him for a long moment, and in the dark, his eyes look almost black.

*

Remus is sitting on a train to get from Wales back to England. It has been cramped and tedious in his father’s house, and Remus doesn’t always remember why he goes there. It’s not his father, it’s Wales. Remus thinks about sheep and Welch and in Welch but it doesn’t help. It’s Wales.

In his memories, Wales is bright yellow and orange, and everything is just so  _ bright _ and happy in there. Now, compared to London Wales is like a VHS tape that crackles in the player. The colours are faded, and the voices sound like they’re coming from somewhere farther away.

His father has bought a new television but Remus doesn’t like watching telly. His father has asked if he’s going to go study something now that he can but Remus doesn’t want to study anything.

And then Sirius has called, and everything has gone wonky. Sirius has called him when he’s been in  _ Wales,  _ and Remus has heard Led Zeppelin playing on the background.

Sirius has called and talked about how Remus should move in with him, and Remus doesn’t know why he does that but he won’t ask about it. He hasn’t given Sirius any answer yet. He has said  _ maybe _ and let it be, he has tried to ignore it altogether, and he has tried to not to think about it all.

Remus doesn’t know if he wants to live with Sirius.

London is far, far away.

*

Sirius has money for bigger flat, he’s basically loaded, but he has decided to stay in the loft his uncle or someone has left for him. Remus likes it there, it’s a long way down but sometimes leaning down from the window is the only way to live.

There are clothes and tobacco and empty mugs and records all over the floor. Remus can smell something sweet, probably incense. There is a bright pink pillow, it has fringes and it’s the ugliest and the prettiest thing in there. Sirius has no rugs.

Remus loves it.

“How good is  _ Seventeen Seconds, _ ” Sirius states, he puts it on and opens the wine on his way back to the couch. “So good.”

Sirius sits next to Remus, and the springs go  _ meow  _ underneath them. Remus sways towards Sirius but he catches himself before he’s all the way there. The first song from the album is playing, and the window is open and the curtains swing in the air. The downstairs neighbour is hoovering.

“Better than  _ Emotional Rescue _ ?” Remus asks. Sirius drinks wine straight from the bottle and looks at Remus. He gives the bottle to Remus, and Remus takes a swig. The wine is cold and tastes awful.

“Better than  _ sex _ ,” Sirius says.

And when  _ Secrets _ plays, Sirius’s eyes find Remus’s and Sirius mouths the lyrics,  _ nobody knows we love _ .

*

It’s Tuesday or Thursday, Remus is drunk he can’t remember, it’s a weekday anyway and he has antique and books waiting for him in the morning, but Sirius has lipstick and heels on, and when Sirius has asked Remus to come with Remus couldn’t say no.

Remus doesn’t know the song but Sirius does, Sirius knows them all. Remus sees James for a moment until he doesn’t, there are too many people in between, and Sirius takes Remus’s hand in his.

“Come on,” Sirius says into Remus’s ear and pulls him to follow.

It’s hard to keep up with Sirius’ pace, he moves fast, but his hold stays firm all the way to the men’s loo. Sirius pushes the door open, pushes Remus in and against a wall. It smells like piss and cleanser in there but Remus doesn’t notice that as his senses are full off Sirius.

Sirius tastes like bevvy and lipstick and  _ Sirius.  _ Remus’s thigh is pressed against a urinal, and someone flushes the toilet in a cubicle next to them but Sirius kisses Remus and the world trembles underneath his feet. Remus puts his hands on Sirius’s hips, under his top, and Remus’s stomach is on knots, and the floor swings—maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s Sirius. The tiles behind Remus’s back are cold and Sirius is hot, and Remus may moan into Sirius’s mouth.

“Get a fucking room,” someone grunts but Remus doesn’t quite hear it. Sirius laughs into Remus’s mouth and takes a heavy breath in and out, and Remus thinks he has never been this happy and this drunk on a Tuesday, for heaven’s sake.

Sirius kisses Remus again and again and  _ again. _

When they go back where James is, the music is too loud, and Remus feels a bit ill. Sirius pushes Remus to sit down, and then he sits next to him and talks about something. Remus can’t hear over the music but he can see Sirius’s mouth moving.

*

It’s raining again. Remus thinks about sheep in Wales and tries to focus, he’s at work, but it’s hard because he thinks about sheep and the clock is ticking loudly. Remus can’t focus on anything, he half-listens to Sirius, he’s saying something about Lily and James and James and Lily. Peter has broken up with Roxanne.

“It’s just so him,” Sirius says and Remus doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Sirius leans on the counter and with heels, he’s almost as tall as Remus. “Birds just come and go but Peter’s still Peter. Do you remember when we were fourteen and Peter was so sure he’ll never get a girlfriend?”

“Yeah,” Remus mumbles. He also remembers that when they were fourteen and Sirius told them he’s in love with a bloke, and Remus also remembers how there had been something heavy and big inside his chest.

“And now he has girlfriends all the time. Obviously, they never last for long but at least he has someone.” Sirius sounds almost bitter, it doesn’t suit him very well.

“So does James. And Lily,” Remus says. Sirius raises his eyebrows and looks amused.

“You don’t,” he says. States.

“Neither do you.”

A real customer comes in. Sirius glances at the door but doesn’t move.

“That reminds me,” he says and puts his hand into the pocket of his leather jacket. “I know what you’re going to say but just, take them.” Sirius drops two keys on the counter. They look a lot like Sirius’s keys. “The bigger is for the gate and the smaller one is for my flat. Or it could be ours but that doesn’t matter.”

Remus looks at the keys, looks at Sirius and takes the keys to his hand. They feel warm.

“Sirius,” Remus says but Sirius stops him before he can even start.

“Don’t,” Sirius says. “Take them. And bring your bloody albums and typewriter, and stop with the—that.” Sirius talks quietly and the tone of his voice doesn’t give Remus any options.

“Okay,” Remus says and squeezes the keys in his fist, and he’s sure that Sirius can hear his heartbeat.

Sirius smiles. “Brilliant. I’ll see you tonight,” he says.

“Okay,” Remus says again and squeezes the keys so hard it hurts.

*

Snowfall is heavy and wet. Remus’s records are in Sirius’s shelves. Sirius has lipstick on and Remus has a mattress in Sirius’s bedroom. Remus isn’t used to it yet. He has no other home now. (In Wales he has a half-empty room and in the closet, there are only too short trousers and too small jumpers.) Lily and James, LilyandJames, bring rum as a house warming gift. They are such a couple that they have written a card and signed it with  _ Lily and James _ , in that order. James looks happy, and Remus notices how Sirius looks at him with narrowed eyes like he doesn’t really believe him.

Peter has a new girlfriend, her name is Angie, and no one hasn’t met her yet. Lily says that Marlene knows her but Marlene knows all the girls and she has kissed most of them too. Angie is almost thirty, and James thinks it’s funny. And then Sirius says that Regulus called.

“What do you mean Regulus called?” James asks because everyone wants to ask that. Sirius lights up a cigarette and shrugs as if it is nothing.

“But you don’t talk,” Lily says and she sounds as confused as Remus feels and James looks.

“Apparently we do,” Sirius says. “He has a flat in Soho, of course, it’s in Soho. He has bought it and all.”

James coughs, it sounds awkward.

“Why did he call?” Remus asks finally, no one asks the right questions.

“I don’t know. He asked if he could come around and have I seen Andromeda.”

No one says anything. Finally, Lily empties her glass and says: “Petunia got married.”

Sirius laughs out loud and it sounds only a bit forced. Then they talk about Lily’s sister’s husband and that his parents have goats in their backyard, and Petunia should move to Scotland or somewhere as far away.

*

Snow melts before Christmas. London is full of lights. Sirius has put up Christmas decorations, everything is gold and red and smells like Christmas and Sirius. Sirius is so happy it’s almost painful, Sirius loves Christmas, he has always loved it, even when he didn’t get any presents from his parents.

Remus’s father sends him a video player. It comes couple days early, and Sirius likes it more than Remus.

“Now we can watch movies anytime we want!” Sirius says, and Remus smiles because Sirius is like that. They don’t even have a television.

On the day before Christmas Eve, they are spending the night at their place, Sirius and Remus, Lily and James, LilyandJames, and Peter. Peter has a moustache now, he looks older and weird, and Sirius says he looks like a pornstar. Lily has cut her hair very short, and every time James thinks no one can see, he strokes Lily’s neck.

There is a Christmas tree in the living room. Peter says he can’t stay very long, he needs to go to York to see his mum and the train leaves at nine. Lily is also visiting her parents over Christmas but James has asked her to come back for Boxing day. Sirius doesn’t care about their plans because he has told them they will have their own Christmas on the twenty-third, and no one has had anything to say against it. Sirius has made an effort, he has black around his eyes and sparkly clothes. He hasn’t put on lipstick but Remus has seen him opening and closing the lipstick for a good fifteen minutes. He  _ has  _ put on mascara, and Remus can’t understand how long his eyelashes are.

Their Christmas dinner is pizza and a bottle of white wine. Lily’s lipstick leaves stains on the bottle, and the bottle leaves stains on everyone’s lips. They are listening to Queen because everyone likes Queen, and when  _ Don’t Stop Me Now  _ is playing no one says anything. When the song is over, Sirius gets up and says: “Let’s get the presents!” They all have one present to give, Sirius has made them take a name from a hat.

Lily gives Sirius a pair of black leather boots with two-inch heels. James gives Peter cassettes, Whitesnake and Blue Öyster Cult. Peter gives Lily a pair of earrings with tiny stars on them. Remus gives James a white button-down shirt if they decide to get married next year.

Sirius gives Remus  _ The Game  _ by Queen and on the back cover,  _ Crazy Little Thing Called Love  _ has a black marker underneath it.

After the first bottle of wine Sirius opens up another one, and Peter says he needs to go. He says __ his thanks and hugs them all stiffly with one arm and when he’s gone, James says: “Peter has a moustache.”

Sirius laughs, and Remus can’t do anything else than to listen to it.

Lily and James, LilyandJames, leave a little later. Remus already feels heavy and warm from all the wine, and there is only one piece of pizza left, and they have listened to  _ Jazz _ so many times that it has started to become annoying. Lily says thank you, James says thank you and Lily hugs Remus, and Remus watched over Lily’s shoulder how Sirius leans on the wall and James leans on Sirius and they talk very quietly. Then James straightens up and pats Sirius’s shoulder and says: “There you go.” Remus doesn’t know what that means but then Lily and James leave, and he forgets it.

Sirius looks at Remus from the other side of the living room and Remus looks back, and the world trembles.

“Let’s go out,” Sirius says, and that is the last thing Remus has thought Sirius would say.

They go out. It has started snowing again and Remus looks at the sky. Sirius has wine in his steps, and Remus has wine in his thoughts, and in a way, everything has a bit of everything on it, so when Sirius suddenly spins around, and there is yellow everywhere coming from the street lights and the Christmas lights, and the shadows are deep, and Remus takes a deep breath, he almost knows.  _ Maybe  _ he knows, in a way.

Sirius smiles at him under the street light and it’s snowing.

Remus kisses Sirius, and for a short moment, he wonders why it has taken him so long. He doesn’t think that for long because Sirius smiles against Remus’s mouth and Remus has to stop to breath. Sirius has his hands in Remus’s neck and on his face, and Remus kisses him again. A cab drives past them and behind closed eyelids, Remus can still see the lights.

Sirius leans back and says: “I knew it.”

Remus is quite sure that he can hear  _ Crazy Little Thing Called Love _ coming from somewhere.

*

Remus makes tea and coffee because he can’t decide. His neck hurt and his sides hurt, he has slept poorly and on the couch, and still,  _ still _ he’s smiling.

From the kitchen window, he can see that there is a little bit of snow and footprints on the street.

He eats old pizza for breakfast and drinks coffee with cream. He lights up a cigarette, he quit smoking months ago, and then he opens two weeks old newspaper, and smiles at the news about the cold war and Margaret Thatcher.

His feels messy in all the good ways.

“Bloody hell.”

Remus turns to look at Sirius, he’s standing in the living room wearing nothing else than boxers.

“What?” Remus asks. Sirius looks at Remus with narrowed eyes like he’s thinking about something.

“You kissed me.”

That makes Remus smile more, and maybe it makes Sirius smile too.

“I did.”

“ _ Good _ . I almost thought you didn’t like me.”

Sirius pours himself a coffee and sits by the table and kicks Remus’s chins. “You should call your dad and say thank you. We should probably buy a telly. And I should call Regulus and wish him happy Christmas, and then we’ll go look at the lights and how the snow melts at Piccadilly Circus.”

“Alright,” Remus says and sheds cigarette ash on the table by accident. He turns the page and looks at the weather forecast. It was sunny two weeks ago.

“Yes,” Sirius says. “And then I’ll call James’s mum and tell her that  _ you _ kissed  _ me _ and that James’s stupidly in love with Lily.”

“You should probably put on some clothes,” Remus says, and Sirius rolls his eyes.

“You like me when I don’t have any clothes on.”

Remus has nothing to say to that. He says nothing and smiles.


End file.
